


Thunder and Rain

by Wallwalker



Category: Revolutionary Girl Utena (Manga)
Genre: Community: fic_on_demand, Dreams, F/M, Post-Canon, Surreal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-04
Updated: 2009-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-04 04:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miki lies in his coffin, dreaming of a prince.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thunder and Rain

**Author's Note:**

> A manga-inspired attempt at surrealism; Utena lends itself to surrealism so darn well. Plays a bit too much off of Miki's slight crush on Utena in the manga. Fear my heavy-handed attempts at symbolism!

_And not expecting pardon,  
Hardened in heart anew,  
But glad to have sat under  
Thunder and rain with you,  
And grateful too  
For sunlight on the garden._

\- Louis MacNeice

Miki opened his eyes to the most beautiful place he'd seen in years.

He did not know how he'd come to be standing there, or why he was wearing his duelist uniform but was somehow without his sword. (He knew, on some level, that he wasn't really in a garden, that the sun was not shining brightly overhead - he remembered that he was trapped in a coffin in a palace, that he had tried to save Utena from her own folly and had failed. But that level was so remote and faraway that it hardly seemed real; it felt like a dream he'd had once, a long time ago, when his mother and father had still been there to kiss his nightmares away.)

He was in a garden, alive with roses and tulips and ivy. The sun shone brightly from above, through latticework that formed a sort of wall along the garden's edge, like a cage. Somewhere he heard birds singing, although they sounded strange if he listened too closely.

Where was his sister? Why wasn't she with him now? This place was beautiful... if she could see this, if she could see how she remembered life when they'd been closer, she'd understand. If she could just -

A loud crack of thunder interrupted his thoughts, and made him jump. He looked up at the sky and watched the sunlight fade, watched dark clouds roll in and lightning flash between them, until a large raindrop struck him on the forehead and made him wince and turn away. Soon the rain was falling thickly - he was quickly drenched to the skin as he looked about for shelter.

He found nothing that would serve as shelter - the walls offered no protection under the pouring rain. He sighed and sat down heavily on the bench, staring glumly downward to keep the water out of his eyes. Why, he asked, did rain have to fall in such a beautiful place?

Something blue caught his eye, and he looked up just slightly to see a blue petal on the ground, lying worn and bedraggled. It had fallen from a bush that must've been impressive before the rain had started, but that was now tattered and worn; the rain was sluicing the petals away far too quickly.

He closed his eyes and sighed. It was as if thinking of his sister had made this happen, as if her memory had darkened the place. But that was ridiculous superstition; rain had to fall sometimes, didn't it? Even in a place as pretty as that.

A quiet voice broke into his thoughts. "Miki... you shouldn't be out here alone."

"What?" He looked up, startled, to see Utena standing in front of him - or was it Utena? On the surface she was the same, but somehow she seemed greater than she had been before - she was luminous, with a light that burned like a beacon just under her pale skin. Her mouth was smiling sadly, but her eyes were painfully solemn.

She sat next to him on the white iron bench as the rain fell on them both; it never seemed to touch her, never even dampened her long pink hair. She took his hand in her own; his pale skin seemed darker and more ordinary by comparison, and there was a certain electricity in her touch that made it hard for him to breath.

He forced himself to look her in the face. "I... I thought you'd never come back," he said lamely, all of his genius forgotten for the moment - he was just another boy half in love with this girl, he realized, and felt little rancor for it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you."

She squeezed his hand. "It's all right," she said quietly. "It wasn't your fault. No one could've saved me, Miki. I had to do this for myself."

He tried to smile, but he felt horrid - wet and cold and awkward, horribly ill at ease. "Utena, where are we?"

"We're here. You're in the place that you've always dreamed of finding... but sometimes dreams turn into nightmares."

He blinked. This _was_ feeling more and more like a nightmare. "But what about you?"

"I came to find you... to say goodbye."

"Good-bye?" he repeated, startled. The thought of Utena leaving frightened him more than anything else had.

"I'm afraid so," she said. There was a distant sadness in her eyes. "I know why I came here now. I came here to change everything."

"But that doesn't mean you have to leave!"

"I'm afraid it does," she insisted. "If I stay here as I was, everyone that I care about will suffer. Anthy will still live as the Rose Bride, and the Council will still try to manipulate everything, even though it has as little control over anything as it possibly can."

"And I...?"

"You'll be trapped in your mind... your memories of her will always control you." She looked away from him, drawing his eyes to the rain-soaked garden, the bedraggled roses whose petals scattered the ground. "I have to do it, Miki. Sacrificing myself to help my friends... or even people I don't even know... isn't that part of being a prince?"

He didn't know what to say to that. Somehow the thought of Utena as a prince was the least out-of-place part of this conversation.

She looked away. Her sad smile faded. "It'll be hard leaving all of it behind, though," she said. "And when I do finish this... I don't know if I'll remember you, or if you'll remember me. I'm sorry for that, Miki. I don't expect you to forgive me for any of what I've caused here."

"Why? Why would you need to be forgiven? You were manipulated as much as any of us were!"

"But I'm the only one who's going to be able to change things," she continued, and closed her eyes. "I'm the one who's going to change the entire academy."

"Then maybe it needs to be changed."

She said nothing, and Miki got the sudden feeling that she was talking about something a lot bigger than the Academy. He didn't know what he could say or do, then; anything he said would've felt inadequate. He'd always felt proud of his quiet eloquence, but it failed him utterly in that moment, faced with the revolution that he'd never thought would really come.

"...I'm afraid it's time for me to leave," she said after a moment, "or it'll be too late." She stood up. "Good-bye, Miki. Please forgive me."

"Wait a second!"

"Hm?" She looked back, startled, as he continued.

"You know... maybe, when the world changes, we'll all be there together, only... only it'll be different somehow." He knew very well how inane he sounded, but he continued; he was past caring then. "And if you need anything, like help with schoolwork or piano lessons or whatever it is we'll have there... you'll still come to me, right?"

She just looked at him for a while... then the first hint of a real smile began to show on her noble face. "Maybe I will," she admitted. "Either way... I do hope I see you again someday. You were a good friend."

"I hope so too," Miki answered, remembering everything. He remembered how he'd kissed her that one time on the forehead, how strange and childish he'd felt. "Or maybe once I leave the academy, after this is all over, I'll be able to find you."

"I would like that." She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. The shock of what she was and what she would be galvanized him, made him shiver involuntarily. "Take care of yourself, won't you?"

Miki nodded quietly, still recovering as he watched her turn away.

As she started to walk to the garden gate she began to emit her own strange light, began to glow like another sun. Soon she was too bright to look at, and Miki had to close his eyes and look away as quickly as he could. All at once he felt the rain stop, and felt sunlight shining on his skin; its rays glowed redly through his closed eyelids. Startled, he opened his eyes and saw that she was gone. She had never reached the gates; it was as if she'd taken flight and flown to the sky herself.

The sunlight on the garden now was warm and welcoming. The flowers swayed gently in the light breeze, and he began to smell their gentle aromas. He looked around, and the bush of blue roses caught his eye - the loose petals were gone, and they were suddenly as whole as they'd ever been.

Something around him shattered, something cold and hard as ice, and he felt himself falling like he'd never stop, like he'd plummet into nothing forever and no one would ever stop him.

He did not call out her name. He knew she was already gone.

\---

_"Miki, what is it? Your fencing's been dreadful lately."_

_"Hm?" Miki turned to look at Juri, who was standing over him with her foil still in her hand. The look on her face wouldn't have told anyone else that she was worried, but Miki was her friend, and knew her well enough to tell. "I guess I've been distracted," he said distantly. "I keep having the same dream over and over again, and it's starting to bother me." _

_"Of what?" _

_"Blue roses," he said, without hesitation. "A thunderstorm in a garden, and then the sunlight coming back. I feel like something happened to me and I just can't remember it anymore." _

_Juri hesitated for so long Miki thought that she wasn't going to speak again, that he'd really disappointed her. Then she finally shook her head. "I thought I was the only one," she said. "But whatever it is... I guess it'll all come back when we're ready." _

_Miki smiled in spite of himself. The words felt very familiar, touching off some other part of the dream. There was someone else there... someone he'd lost. He wanted to know who, or why, but it continued to elude him. "I hope you're right," he said, and stood up. He took his foil in his hand. "So," he said, "I think we should have a rematch, don't you?" _

_Juri smiled, and the two of them walked back into the practice room, lowering their masks. _

_Miki didn't win, but he came closer than he had in months. That had to be worth something. _


End file.
